Dead easy homemade pizza that crushes delivery

A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.

A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.

The internet is composed of dirty lies. Santa wasn’t invented by a drink company and we don’t eat a dozen spiders a year as we sleep so you’ll be forgiven for thinking I may be stretching the truth a teensy bit when I tell you that the following pizza recipe will drive angels to orgasm. The reality is that pizza made by following these steps is at least as good as what you’d order in a restaurant.

The list of things you’ll need to achieve pizza excellence:

Equipment

  • A food scale (doesn’t need to be anything fancy)
  • A large mixing bowl
  • Five 9” pie pans
  • Cling wrap

Ingredients

  • 800 grams bread flour
  • 20 grams salt
  • 8 grams yeast
  • 540 grams water
  • 16 grams olive oil
  • Butter for greasing the pans
  • Whatever you want for toppings

Instructions

  1. Take a little bit of butter and grease the bottom and sides of your pie pans. Set them aside.
  2. Next, weigh and mix the dry ingredients in your large bowl. Add your water and olive oil and use your hands to mix it all together. You’ll be left with a large sticky blob of dough which, in theory, should be 1,384 grams.
  3. Divide that big dough lump into smaller dough balls of roughly 275 grams and drop each one in the middle of one of your greased pie pans. Cover each doughy pan with cling wrap and let them sit at room temperature overnight (anywhere from 8 to 24 hours will be fine). Suppress the urge to play with the dough. Giving the dough time to rise is key to making this recipe work. If you leave it alone, it’ll puff up and give your pizza crust a kick-ass restaurant quality texture.
  4. When you come back after a good night’s sleep, the dough balls will have flattened out and filled the bottom of your pans. If the dough hasn’t quite filled the bottom on its own, use your fingers to massage it to the sides. As you handle the pie plates, the dough may deflate a little. It’s not a big deal.
  5. Add whatever sauce, cheese, and toppings you want. Go nuts. Let your freak flag fly. My preferred application is easy sauce, lots of bacon, pineapple, and a mix of cheddar and mozzarella cheese. For additional crunchy deliciousness, spread cheese right to the edge of the soon-to-be crust.
  6. Preheat your oven (or gas grill) to 550°F. Once hot, bake your pies for 15 minutes. The pizza will be half as hot as the sun when it comes out so no matter how exquisite it looks, don’t be a doiyoi and immediately ram it in your gob. Give it a few minutes to cool before you gorge yourself.
  7. Once cool, enjoy while marveling at how smart that guy (me) from the internet is.

If you don’t feel the need to make all five pizzas at once, you can leave them covered and stick them in the fridge where they’ll keep for a couple of days. If you were blessed with an abundance of self-control, the dough can be stored in the freezer indefinitely.


Link to the original recipe that I oh so slightly modified.